At least I have Clarity!

To start on a lighter note, I went running last night, my usual 45 minutes, which was ok, except at the end, I looked down and saw that my left nipple was leaking blood like cows tit. Leg injuries, I expect...nipple injuries?!?! gimme a break!

I didn't think that I would ever miss this city at the top, but, in fact, I do now. I know it's not the most cultural city, nor does it have the most open- minded people, but I know good people there, and I am more myself there.

In his works, Shakespeare used to write about the different masks that people wear, depending on their social situations, which, I believe, is really true. In essence, then, nobody really has a true self, but a collection of masks that they choose to wear, depending on who they are with at the moment. I see that in many people, and in many blogs, and I don't fault it-I think it shows adaptability. At times, I feel completely uncomfortable here, and this is why...it's too hard to be who I want to be and I can't be the person that I like most in myself, something you can only get through feeling at ease. People here are on edge, and pretentious, and look down on North American life as uncultured...anyway, I'll rant about that later (i really don't want this to be a ranting blog, or a whiny blog!!!!!!!)

The other constant in the back of my mind that I know I need is this: Isn't that the coolest classroom ever???? I was totally proud of it. I was teaching last year in a fairly high-needs school, and those kids had so many problems outside of school, it was really a mix of counseling and teaching. Anyway, it gave me a purpose, and yeah, there were days when I wanted to quit, or everything went wrong, but in the end, I knew that I was making a positive difference in their lives. Here, I don't have that. Teaching English does not give you that 'i need you' feeling that teaching does. I'm a softie, and obviously when I had to say good-bye to the kids, I cried...and some of them did as well. These are tough kids, and to get that kind of emotion from them was the most rewarding thing...yet extremely difficult because I was losing them.

I'll never be the typical teacher who wears shirts according to the season and holiday, but I know that it is the thing I want most in my life, and the thing I miss the most here...which, in a way is a good thing, because I know that I'll always have that!