Stick it to 'the Man'...like this->->->->->

(unbeknownst to me, I have the head of an alien being. Thanks for the heads up.) A few days ago, I posted on essentials that you should NOT cheap out on. Well, as there is good and bad, hot and cold, O'Brien and Leno, there shall be a list of things to cheap out on. Again, in no particular order, and feel free to add your own in the comments.

10. SUNGLASSES...They just break, or you lose them anyway. Get a cheap knock-off, and no one will care, or make fun of you for buying 300 dollar glasses.

9. VALENTINE'S DAY CRAPFEST...this is the worst holiday, and just a money-grabber for 'the man'. Use it as an excuse to give cheesey or homemade gifts. Expensive Laura Secord or Bernard Callebaut Chocolates are so '90's/ high school girlfriend. Also, no one needs 1 dozen roses. 1 is sufficient, unless she is 'one of those girls'. (just kidding back there, girls.)

8. TOOTHPASTE...I recommend 9 out of 10 dentists to shut up.

7. PIZZA...there's greasy and there's thin, there's cheesey and there's dry. You know you're going to eat it anyway, and most pizza places offer pretty cheap pizza deals.

6. WINGS...no wings are healthy. You might as well pay 10 cents as compared to 35.

5. BOOKS...you know you feel cool and emo going into a used book store. don't deny it.

4. SHAMPOO/TOILET PAPER...tie here...buy cheap, it's all the same.

3. BIRTHDAY PRESENTS FOR KIDS UNDER 4...they like the boxes better anyway, so don't splurge on something great that they don't care about.

2. MOVIE TICKETS...with all the crap out there, why not just rent a movie? and if you have to have to (yes, double time) go, then go on cheap night if it exists, or to a matineé. When I left Calgary, movies were about 15 dollars to go and see.

1. T-SHIRTS... I haven't boughten a new t shirt in years...used is the way to go...unless you want to buy used-looking-but-new-shirts at the gap.

Like a Fish Out of Water

We went to the Buenos Aires Zoo the other day, because my girlfriend had to do some sketches of the animals there for her class. Now, I'm not a fan of zoos, nor is she, and don't even get me started on the circus. But, I went out of curiosity...to see how the zoos here, in a third world country, could compare to those I've seen in calgary. hmmmmmm

There seems to be something wrong about a polar bear in 35 degree heat, in the middle of a megopolis, no? At least there were two polar bears...we saw a grizzly that just walked and paced in circles...it was awful. Animal suffering irritates me so much...they're so innoncent, and deserve to be in nature, not amongst apartment blocks.












There are always going to be those that say if we don't have zoos, than how will people learn to appreciate the animals, how will they connect with them. Maybe it's better if people don't appreciate them...

PEARL JAM

Um, I don't know what to say about this concert. It was the best I've ever been to, bar none. The crowd was amazing, and the band was fantastic. I've been waiting a lot of years, basically since 10 to see these guys, and it was totally emotional. Every song was absolutely perfect, and I even fought my way up to the very front at one point, like feet away from eddie. It was unreal.
From when we first arrived, and they were playing Evolution...
From near the front of the stage...
Naked, sweaty guys...just the way I like them...
Eddie during Better Man...
Eddie from up close...
I can die happy now.

Don't CHEAP OUT on THESE this Holiday Season

*edit...these COULD be Christmas presents or not...i just mean that it pays to buy, as gifts or for yourself, these quality things...these are general items...i don't expect that many of you are buying cheeze whiz or peanut butter for christmas...perhaps i should have chosen a different title...i could have used winter season, or fall season.

We are all cheap. At some point in time, there is always a crappy brandname with relatively the same product that your Sonys, Kraft Dinners, and Ichibans put out there...maybe some of these Premium brands even put out a 'farm-team' of items, for the cheap consumer. Ok, at times, it's fine and doesn't make a difference what crap you buy. However, there are some things that should be doled out for. This, then, is a list of those things according to our experts...

1. HEADPHONES...nothing is worse than crackly, shitty, headphones. Buy a good, durable pair.

2. GUY´S UNDERWEAR...if it's not good quality, come lunch time, that thing is going to be wedged pretty far up there.

3. A DISCMAN...with so many anti-skip options available for relatively low costs, why risk buying a no namer from costco? do you like skipping cd's? is that fun?

4. HOCKEY STICKS...you know the cheap ones are just going to break first time you miss that one-timer

5. BATTERIES...lots of cheap, crappy AA's out there...none compare to a good set of rechargeables, or Duracell ultras. Don't be stupid, that Ever Ready Sucks, and you've always known it sucks..why would it change this time?

6. RAZORS...guys, you know that bic is a pen company, and not a good one...why trust a bic razor, unless you want to be ALL PATCHY?

7. BEER...if all you can afford is 6 sleeman, or 12 mountain crest, go for the six, and then maybe once you're feeling alright, you'll be fit to handle the cheap urine-like quality of the others, or american beer.

8. PEANUT BUTTER...you know Squirrel or Crunchy is the best and all the rest is crap.

9. CHEEZE WHIZ...what is that other crap they sell?

10. ICE CREAM...buy a good brand, cause the rest will be filled with water crystals, and if you wanted that, you could have boughten a slurpee (but from Sev, cause the rest suck.)

11. DOMES...I don't need to elaborate here.


also, PEARL JAM, Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pucker up, Buttercup!

Buenos Aires, temperature yesterday, a balmy 35 with a relative humidity of 99.9. Basically, it was like swimming in boiling water all day. With temperatures like these, there are 2 constants, the first being pretty much the worst thing ever, the second being a definite relief. The first constant is having to kiss hello sweaty, old, fat, greasy, sweaty, young, old people. I have adjusted to the normal kiss hello, but when you include the layer of sweat and grease induced by the above daily temperature, dammit, no one should have to go through that. They need to adopt a handshake for the summer. The second constant, the relief constant, are huge deluges at night. I woke up at 330 in the morning to this:
...the best part is, it's only spring, and everyone keeps telling me, 'wait until it gets really hot.'

At least I have Clarity!

To start on a lighter note, I went running last night, my usual 45 minutes, which was ok, except at the end, I looked down and saw that my left nipple was leaking blood like cows tit. Leg injuries, I expect...nipple injuries?!?! gimme a break!

I didn't think that I would ever miss this city at the top, but, in fact, I do now. I know it's not the most cultural city, nor does it have the most open- minded people, but I know good people there, and I am more myself there.

In his works, Shakespeare used to write about the different masks that people wear, depending on their social situations, which, I believe, is really true. In essence, then, nobody really has a true self, but a collection of masks that they choose to wear, depending on who they are with at the moment. I see that in many people, and in many blogs, and I don't fault it-I think it shows adaptability. At times, I feel completely uncomfortable here, and this is why...it's too hard to be who I want to be and I can't be the person that I like most in myself, something you can only get through feeling at ease. People here are on edge, and pretentious, and look down on North American life as uncultured...anyway, I'll rant about that later (i really don't want this to be a ranting blog, or a whiny blog!!!!!!!)

The other constant in the back of my mind that I know I need is this: Isn't that the coolest classroom ever???? I was totally proud of it. I was teaching last year in a fairly high-needs school, and those kids had so many problems outside of school, it was really a mix of counseling and teaching. Anyway, it gave me a purpose, and yeah, there were days when I wanted to quit, or everything went wrong, but in the end, I knew that I was making a positive difference in their lives. Here, I don't have that. Teaching English does not give you that 'i need you' feeling that teaching does. I'm a softie, and obviously when I had to say good-bye to the kids, I cried...and some of them did as well. These are tough kids, and to get that kind of emotion from them was the most rewarding thing...yet extremely difficult because I was losing them.

I'll never be the typical teacher who wears shirts according to the season and holiday, but I know that it is the thing I want most in my life, and the thing I miss the most here...which, in a way is a good thing, because I know that I'll always have that!

In the Absence of Christmas Lights...

To me, one of the pervading thoughts that worries me is time. But not just the thought of wasting it, or time never stopping. No. I find myself preoccupied with concepts like the following: Remember how long it seemed to take to get from age 5 to age 15? That decade took FOREVER. However, when I think of the decade from 15 to 25, that flew by. Or even years now...It seems so recent that I was graduating from University, but really, that was three years ago, but the five years that university took seem disproportionately longer. It worries me because obviously the next 4 or 5 years will go by quickly, and then soon I'll be in my thirties. It's not like I've been idle, and maybe that's the problem. I need to get stuck in a dead end job somewhere, so that each day passes in torturous, prolonged hours, and I'll start to hate it, but then I'll read this and remember that I wanted it so that I could slow down time.

Do you find that there are certain stupid habits you have retained since you were a kid? For example, when I am at home, and I have to go upstairs late at night in the dark, I still count to three, flick off the last light, and run like mad up the stairs. Maybe now you know more about me than you need to. But, idiosynchrisies are what make me like people, so I'll share mine with you.

Don't you want to start a new blog under an alias, and not let anyone know, and live all lies in this blog? Are you doing that right now? I might be doing that.

they're mutants now...prep h is no match!!

First of all, go here....
haha...those crazy kids...what WILL they think of next!?

Now, read this post from a conversation I had with Doug today....then, laugh at him. Loud. And then show your friends...you can email sympathy/laughs here solatpj@hotmail.com

Doug says:

hey fucko

danny says:

what's up, dick smack?

Doug says:

not too much...came home to hanna to get some work done this weekend

danny says:

haha...i love it when you pull that crap

Doug says:

want to hear something that you'll find funny, but is actually quite serious? and quite hurtful to myself?

danny says:

you know i do

danny says:

obviously i've started to smile already

Doug says:

well, remember our whole bum ouchie situation....ps...don't poke fun right now

danny says:

poke

Doug says:

well, they've been really bugging me a lot lately

danny says:

nice

danny says:

also, nice work with the 'our'

Doug says:

so last night l came home, wiped my ass good and clean, and then proceeded to take full advantage of my parents tall bathroom mirror

danny says:

haha

Doug says:

that's when l realizedthat there was a pinky finger essentially growing out of my rectum

danny says:

ñlaskdjfñalsdkjfñalskdjf

danny says:

oh damn!

danny says:

you can push that back in, you knw

danny says:

it's just a swelled vein

Doug says:

and then today when l took a shit, and noticed there was blood in my feces

danny says:

wait, can i post this on my blog, only change your name?

danny says:

please?

danny says:

i'll change it, i promise

Doug says:

please do

Doug says:

change it that is

danny says:

i will, for certain.

Doug says:

and any defining characteristics

danny says:

like the pinky finger ass problem?

Doug says:

or any others

Doug says:

so yeah, l re-evaluated the situation with the mirror....bloody mess

Doug says:

l might need a hemorrhoidectomy

danny says:

did you ask your mom to look at it?

danny says:

she's a nurse, right?

Doug says:

no she's not a nurse....and no l didn't get her to look at it.... told her about it though

Doug says:

they're mutants now...prep h is no match!!

danny says:

that sucks, dude

Doug says:

yeah big time man, l don't wanna have to get surgery...maybe a prescription will take care of the little whores (pronounced who-were's)

danny says:

don't kid yourself, pal

Doug says:

l just finished ice packing my asshole if that adds to your story

danny says:

well, i guess it can't hurt

Doug says:

places pillows side by side, squeezing an ice pack between so to put the ice pack right up my ass crack

danny says:

and...relief or what?

Doug says:

well, it was numbing

I know that you don't know Doug, and never will (for your sake), but, at times like these, you just have to sit back and reflect at how sweet the world really is.

A Disease Post

Do you like my allergic reaction I had to something while on a ferry from Morrocco to Spain? I'm hot, I know. Turns out it was likely an outburst of this skin disease that I have that causes incessant itching and sometimes severe swelling if I don't take antihistamines daily. The disease can last 20,000 days, but normally lasts 5000. Hmmm, I think i'm on day 600, or something. Speaking of diseases, I used to worry about people using AIDS or HIV as a weapon, and how screwed up is that it's happening in Canada at the moment? How scary is that? Ok, a gun is one thing, but I can't imagine the mental anguish of being threatened with a syringe that 'may' contain HIV or AIDS. Too messed up and cruel for this guy.

Top 10 'name/place Drops' Susan Should Have Made at Her Nickelback Audition...but likely didn't

Oh Susan...if only you had been blogging when you went to audition for Nickelback. How much help I could have been to you. I don't particularly like Nickelback. However, I am from Hanna, as are they, and, I guess by now, through the video for Photograph, and the Maclean's article, several of you are now aware of Hanna as well. The following is an insider's guide to the knowledge of small town Alberta...pertinent to anyone who 'really wants to appear to be in the know'...because we all know that NAME DROPPING is what really counts in this business.

(no particular order to the dialogues, as my laziness prevents me from doing so)

10. Susan-wait. You guys are from Hanna, right? Isn't that the hometown of former Calgary Flame Lanny McDonald also? He was their captain, right?
9. Susan- Is it true that there are a lot of deserted old farm houses all around Hanna, giving it a real ghost-town feel?

8. Susan- Yeah, hotels in Hanna are pretty rustic, eh?
Chad- I guess, but the one we used to play in had RIPPERS 5 nights per week!
(conversation ensues)7. Susan-Hanna? hmmm, oh, wait...isn't there a coal mine and power plant near Hanna called Sheerness that both creates a heated lake for enjoyment, and also emits a dangerous amount of toxins into the air for unenjoyment?
6. Susan-Oh, the part in the Photograph video where the birds are flying and the guy is chasing after the girl is my favourite. I actually saw a picture of that roundhouse on the internet one time. Didn't some guy from Calgary buy that and doesn't he have plans to turn it into a Railway Museum?5. Susan-A lot of people call Hanna 'armpit Albert'. But, since I'm from BC, I find the wide, flat spaces breathtaking, and they actually have the same effect as the mountains in that dwarf you.
4. Susan- Hanna, eh? Hmm, isn't there a lake near Hanna called Fox Lake, even though there are no foxes at all? On Canada Day, three years ago, didn't someone jump a ski-doo in the water and make it into the Guiness Book of World Records for longest Ski-doo jump on water? Didn't 2000 people from the town line the beach to watch this?
3. Susan- Isn't there a tiny campground near there where the kids used to drink at lunch time and after school?
2. Susan- I have a pretty good idea of where Hanna is, actually...
1. Susan- Is it true that there is nothing better to do in Hanna than cruise main street and the back roads on a Friday night...and any night for that matter?


So, well, for Susan, and for anyone else auditioning for Nickelback, I hope this gave you some insight. Yes, there are only 3000 people in Hanna. No, there is not a lot to do. Is there a movie theatre? no. Are there over 10 churches? yes.Was I happy to leave? Hell yeah, but I wouldn't exchange growing up there for anything.

Okay, for a Tuesday...

Apparently Tuesdays are the most productive days at work. People have forgotten about the past weekend, and the next is too far off to suffer thinking about it. Today, I got to work on the 22nd floor of a bank. I hate my job teaching English, but sometimes views like this compensate for it. It's not pretty, but it's a megaopolis, and that's something.













Sometimes living in a big city can leave you feeling like you're walking in slow motion, while everyone else is too preoccupied with their own lives to notice.











So, you begin to compensate for this by finding your own niche, something that you like to do, something that separates you from the throng. Or, you stare at the sky...




















...or gaze at the ground.







Sometimes laziness is mistaken for depression, but more than we care to know, depression is mistaken for laziness.

THE FLAMES WIN IT!!!! YEAAAAAAAHHHHH BABYYYYYYYY!!!!!" -Peter Maher

I'll be the first to admit that all this travelling in europe and living in south america thing hasn't been conducive to following the NHL, and last year, my only year back in Canada for a while, was the lockout, so I had to settle for WHL, which is good, but I missed the flames. With Jenny Good vying for a position as canucks blogger, and Grace constantly cramming the oilers down my throat, I thought it was time i represented. Tonight, I listened to my first Flames game since I saw the Stanley Cup Final, a year a something ago. It didn't look to good going into the third, but after peppering Rolasson with 24-plus shots in the third, and Iggy scratching together 3 points, the Flames crawled back from a 2-0 deficit to win 3-2. I admit, I got chills. I admit, I scared my girlfriend when they scored the game winner. And yes, at moments like this, I admit I miss living in Calgary. A lot. That makes 7 in a row, one behind the club record, and they've got two more at home to accomplish the 8th and 9th. Eat your heart's out, Grace and Jenny. Flames all the way, baby!

Well, what can I say about creamfield's, other than Oh, Man. THAT was Sweet. Such a different experience than I've ever had before, and so much fun. I'm not much of a raver; in fact, I've never been to a rave before this festival. Now, I don't know why not. It was fantastic, though the Prodigy was a little disappointing, as a lot of bands can be. However, Paul Oakenfold was great, and the slew of others along with him. I know that the scene created at raves can be considered fake, and that the feelings aren't real, and that people aren't that nice, but just for that moment, for that night, it was the best feeling in the world, one you don't get at a dance club. Anyway, that's all I have to say on that. Needless to say, I spent most of yesterday sleeping and enjoying the 'day after a party' laziness that I know many of you likely enjoy as well. Random fact: They ordered over 1,000,000 cans of red bull for this show. A million. Random fact 2: The most expensive drink you could order was an $800 bottle of champagne-we didn't have champagne.
I didn't take my camera because I didn't want to be worried about it all night, and also, maybe it's not the best place in the world to be taking pictures that could come back 'to haunt you' in another life. Anyway, the weather was perfect, we danced our asses off in the beautiful light of a sunrise, and never stopped smiling the whole night.

I started a new job downtown giving english lessons in the IBM tower to a guy that may be moving to Vancouver. All of the photos on this page were taken on my way to work. I hadn't been feeling very inspired lately with photos, but I liked these reflections. Last random fact, perhaps more general: The single most important form of communication when meeting someone for the first time, or any time, is the slight eyebrow raise as a form of recognition...not a smile, not a handshake, but an eyebrow raise. So, if you want to make a good impression, don't worry so much about brushing your teeth and deoderant. Pluck or wax the 'brows and get them looking sexy!