Hit me where it hurts

To look someone in the eye and tell them that you no longer want him or her to be a part of your life, that you no longer want to share a relationship with him or her, is one of the most painful things in the world. Maybe I'm particular, maybe not, but I look back at past relationships that I've ended, and wish so much that it was the girl breaking up with me rather than me breaking up with the girl. I could handle it, I would walk away...I may not feel swell for a few days, but I know that I could handle it. But, if the break up isn't done democratically, if it is only your decision, and the partner is left still wanting, begging you, crying to you, the barest, most raw emotion right in front, that is the hardest thing to remain strong in that situation, to remain unwavered and not question your decision.

Maybe it's an ego thing...maybe I think too much of myself, to think that I girl will be so hurt by me leaving her...maybe they're really the same as me, and will hurt for a while, but ultimately be alright. Maybe I'm too empathetic for my own good...maybe I have a wild imagination mixed with empathy, thinking that person's pain is too much for him or her.

In the end, I don't stay in relationships because I'm scared of not being able to find someone else, but because I don't want the pain of breaking up with someone.

*note to friends and parents, this is not an indication of my life in this moment...just a thought in general...